The dear old Guardian ran a few "alternative" Christmas cracker jokes submitted by assorted well known people last weekend.
The winner in my 'umble, as told by the glorious Jo Brand.
"There were two cats. An English one called One Two Three and a French one called Un Deux Trois.
The two cats had a swimming race around a lake.
Which one of them won?
One Two Three of course, because Un Deux Trois quatre cinq. "