A word of advice

Never.

Never ever.

Never ever, late at night, after your friends have gone home when you've all watched a Kubrick film.

Never ever try to look masterful to your wife, when she insists on finishing the whole box of chocolate biscuits, by topping the last milk chocolate shortbread with a jalapeno flavoured pickled garlic clove and then chew the whole thing slowly whilst looking her straight in the eye.

It doesn't work: she only laughs at you.

I feel sick.

Night night.