Eating the legend

Above is an image of the legendary Boatman's Breakfast as served at the wonderful Lock Inn in Bradford on Avon.

I used to indulge in this wonderful creation far more frequently than advisable for the good of my arteries when I lived in the area, these days it's a rare and special treat. We visited Anal and Sandybum this weekend in their far flung northern homeland of Westbury. Sandybum made the very sensible decision to avoid cooking Saturday morning brunch and they took us to the Lock Inn instead.

For the record, a Boatman's Breakfast comprises: tomatoes, beans, mushrooms, fried egg, pork sausage, smoked frankfurter, black pudding, two back bacon rashers, fried bread (or toast, for wussies only), fried potatoes or chips. It comes in at £5.95 and is worth every farthing. They do a vegetarian version as well which is just as well because Anal is one of those peculiar creatures who shuns delicious dead things.

There'll be plenty of news and gossip about our visit, but this posting is just a paeon of praise to the delights of Dick and Jane's most excellent pub-cum-cafe-cum-yummity place to be.

They have a terrific philosophy which is enshrined upon their menus. I quote:

"We welcome kids, cats, dogs, smokers, non smokers, muddy boots, well cut suits, walkers, scaffolders, bankers, plumbers (when they turn up), old age travellers and party revellers, actors and film stars. Kids, keep your parents under control.

Sorry - NO MOANERS.

We undertake to provide you, the customer, with quality food at the best prices as expediently as possible. We extend our warmest welcome to our many guests and ask you to consider the following before entering into this agreement.

Please don't develop any medical condition after your order that requires immediate feeding or suddenly remember you have a train to catch as we have heard it before.

If alcohol makes you irritable, smoke dope, drink tea and stay at home.

If you have been unhappy with our service or food it may be that you don't know how to be happy. Seek counselling and choose your dining companions more carefully."

Fantastic attitude! These guys are really good, and the atmosphere in their eatery is second to none. If you're in the area, even a bit close by, get there and enjoy.

The menu also features this little poem-ette:

"I wish I was a glow worm.

A glow worm's never glum.

'Cos how can you be grumpy,

When the sun shines out your bum?"