It was posted by Brian Heywood of the Musicians' Union, it certainly raised a smile. Methinks there's a wee grain of truth within this "letter" . . . .
. . .
"Dear Band Leader:
We look forward to your performance at our daughter's wedding. If you don't mind, we would like to request a few of our favorite songs.
Please play these during the reception:
A Keith Jarrett composition from his solo series. Please arrange it for full ensemble in the key of B but nothing in 4/4 please.
Mahavishnu Orchestra, "The Dance of Maya" and please have the guitarist play John McLaughlin's solo from the live performance
Nov. 16, 1972 at Chrysler Arena. My wife and I were at that show and we liked his use of polyrhythms.
One of John Coltrane's duets with Pharaoh Sanders. Our guests love high register tenor saxes.
We thought a little Stravinsky right after the toast would be nice. So please play "The Rite of Spring." We like a tempo of about 1/4 note = 93; it would also be much more appropriate for this occasion in a slightly lower key.
Then for the candle lighting ceremony, please play Frank Zappa's "The Grand Wazoo." The original key of B flat, would be fine but my cousin Jeannie would like to sing the baritone sax solo in the key of D - she has kind of a high voice.
When my new son-in-law takes off the garter, please play just a little of
's "Ionization." It's such a funny piece, we think it would go down really well. Much better than "The Stripper." Varese
And for the bride & groom's first dance, please slow things down a bit by doing Barber's "Adagio For Strings." It's so much better than "We've Only Just Begun" or the "Anniversary Waltz."
When my wife and I join in the first dance, could you segue to Thelonius Monk's "Ruby, My Dear" - it's in honor of my wife's grandmother whose name was Ruby. It would mean so much to the family. Thanks for all your help.
Depending on the outcome we'll certainly be happy to recommend your band to our friends. We'll have your cheque for the fee of £240 (minus our expenses in contacting you of £12.50) by the end of next month: we're a little short as the young lady doing the balloon arch wanted her £1,200 in advance and the DJ had to be paid his £2,500 cash up front as normal.
Our daughter assured us that your love of music was greater than your need for money, and that you would welcome the exposure you would get from playing this wedding. Before you leave, please feel free to ask the caterer for a sandwich and a soft drink. Please use the back entrance to avoid disturbing the guests.
All the bestMartin"